Duff's Mental Malfunctions

I realized I have not updated in a VERY long time.

Let's see what is up with Russ.

A. Recently started working as a Bouncer and Barback at a local concert venue/danceclub. Pay sucks but I get a tipshare from the bar which suplements the suck. So far I have had a Barstool broke across my back(the movies are wrong... bouncers cannot shrug that off and if they can they scare me) And have been commended cause twice I have busted someone for slipping things into women's drinks, catching them before the ladies drank the substances. I tend to think this is less about me being shar eyed and more about me being the only one who works there that isn't high or drunk on duty. I don't smoke pot, this is not because I don't enjoy itm it is because if I develop a vice it will be no different than before in my life. I also rarely drink, after a bad shift I may have a drink after work to calm nerves but I have done that twice.
For the next two days we have HIp Hop dance parties at work... I have been warned to expect a fight, and even to expect someone to pick one with me and not to back down under any circumstances... I detest violence, but I am good at it. I hate this part of my job.
Sunday Hell Yeah and Machinehead... I am assigned to watch the Pit, I need to pick up a kneebrace before then.
Monday, Think I am gonna dye my hair Blue and get my eyebrow redone so it has a few days to heal before there is a risk of conflict at work.

B. Two and a half years clean. I was asked recently if there was any temptation anymore to start taking Vicodin again. The answer is No, the time spent on pills is my biggest regret, not just because of the people I hurt but also the death of my own intellect. I am not saying I am stupid now... I just no longer function on the same plane of thought as I used to. I lost creativity, and I lost a good deal of my ability to do things as fast as I would like.

Examples.

Lost urge to write for the sake of writing.

I used to be able to sing/rap along with my favorite music... I can no longer keep up anymore with the speed of lyrics on songs I could do in my sleep 4 years ago.

I am less Creative... my Roleplaying has suffered, staying 100% IC is hard these days... god I miss the days of Garou, yeah I was high buit I played one hell of a good character and I fucking know it. I miss games that can make real tears or real sadness occur. I have not had in since... and I am not sure I will have it again.
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On related note... I have been asked to start my own Garou LARP. I do plan to do this starting at the UIUC fall semester. I plan on attempting to run a RP heavy, combat light exploration into the motivation and spiritual of Garou Culture. Game is gonna be set in the Shawnee Forest in a small fictional city and will run once, maybe twice a month.
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Biggest life changing event in the past 2 years... I am an Uncle. October 28th 2006 Mackenzie Renee Duff was born in Carbondale Illinois. She is an angel and simply the smartest child I have ever met. My regret is that I do not get to see her more often but you better believe I spoil the hell out of that child when I do see her.

This does create fears in me... My brother is a drug addict. When he is with her he stays clean and I see that he loves her and is devoted to her. It is when he goes out for a night I fear he will overdose and leave that child without a father. The drugs he does are worse than anything I ever considered doing and despite having the most amazing reason to get clean he continues to circle the drain. Nothing I say, nothing I do gets through to him, I love him but I also hate what he puts his family through.

On a happier note. I am truely, madly in love. I met a wonderful girl online about 8 months ago when I was dealing with a nasty breakup I refuse to get into here. She started talking to me helping me pull out of a nasty depression and things built from there. Yes we have met in person and it was the most wonderful week I have ever had. She is coming into town for my Birthday next month and to start planning for her to move in with me later this year. Her name is Aucha and She is beautiful, funny and a geek like me. (Not a gamer though and I am leaving her that way) I have been 100% honest about my past and the people I have hurt. She knows every bit of dirty laundry that exists on me and she accepts who I am TODAY. Not who I was in the Past. We also have a common bond that will be the last thing I discuss so that people can heed the TMI warning that will accompany it.

She is the reason I have finally looked at myself in the mirror and realized I need to fix myself more. I am Out of Shape, physically and Spiritually, that is the next phase. I need to lose about 70 pounds in order to be healthier, and I need to find my faith again... truely find it.
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People I miss and wish I could talk to/spend time with.

Ben- You have no idea how much I respect you man, you are one of the few that was always straight with me... If I was being an ass you let me know.
Borg- You better come back from Hell's Sandbox in one piece... Who else is gonna read my future in his coffee at 4am in a Denny's?
Matt M. aka Mr Tact.- Just wanna know what is up in your life these days.
Pat... if you read this man I am sorry and wanna start making ammends, get me some kind of contact info please. I miss your advice, and your music.
Matt L- I love you man and wish I could afford a trip to Thailand so we could talk again and have drinks.

Pretty much everyone else from C-U are people that I would want to Game with but for the most part not want to hang out with. I honestly do not know who would even want me around these days and I know there will always be a couple people who simply don't want me around. This is why I did not try to attend the latest Garou incarnation, My presence would have made people uncomfortable and hurt the game. I would rather not play than detract from something I truely loved.
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Last note before TMI... If you read this, even if you hate me I am truely sorry for the Asshat I have been. I hope to slowly prove to everyone what I am like NOW. I like myself, my Mother respects me again, and people love me for who I am. This is all that matters to me so if your the type to leave a Negative comment because of the past, don't bother. Positive or neutral comments or people seeking to talk to me again are more than welcome.
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POSSIBLE TMI WARNING!

An old part of my life is new again. For those that never knew I spent a lot of my time before I moved to the CU area immersed in the BDSM culture. I started at 18 and learned a lot, then I moved back to the midwest and locked that part away for fear that if people found out it would cause issues, and my Signifigant Others simply were not interested or I assumed they were not.

MY sexually Dominant tendencies got brought back to the fore a coupel years ago when I started DJing for a BDSM themed online radio station. I met interesting people and I realized I could let lose and be myself. I dated a girl I will not mention more than as "a girl" who truely and completely reawakened me as a Dom.

My girl is not just my girlfriend, she is my pet, my devoted Sub and I could not be happier about this. I am not gonna go into bedroom details, you guys don't want that and if you do... tough. But I have never been this satisfied in my life and she is the same. Our common bonds in this brought us together and therefore I will never regret going to work for that station even if I have drifted away from it due to "a girl"
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For those who may want to talk to me again, and I am pretty open minded about things my AIM and Yahoo Names are MasterHemlocke. Feel free to contact me, If I am on but don't answer I am asleep or at work, I am not good at remembering to turn on away messages.

-Russ

On my radio show on http://dominateradio.net I will be playing Type O Negative's new Album "Dead Again" in its Entirety starting at 1pm Eastern 12pm Central. Giving you all fair warning since I know many of you are fans.

DJ'Hemlocke

I have recently become a DJ on http://www.dominateradio.com as requested here is my playlist of songs I currently have available for request. this is complete except for my collection of Insane Clown Posse songs, as far as that goes I have them all just make the request.

DJ`Hemlockes Playlist

1. 2 Many DJ's - I Sit On Acid (Soulwax Remix) (2:56)
2. 2 Pac & Dr Dre - California love (4:01)
3. Acid Bath - Acid Bath - Venus Blue (4:42)
4. Aerosmith - Dream On (4:27)
5. Aerosmith - Living On The Edge (6:20)
6. Aerosmith - Love In An Elevator (5:21)
7. Afro Celt Sound System - 08 House Of The Ancestors (8:00)
8. Afro Celt Sound System - Celtic - Techno (6:35)
9. Afro Celt Sound System - Dark Moon, High Tide (4:06)
10. Afro Celt Sound System - Eistigh Liomsa Sealad/Listen to Me/Saor Reprise (10:53)
11. Afro Celt Sound System - House of the Ancestors (8:00)
12. Afro Celt Sound System - Inion/Daughter (4:15)
13. Afro Celt Sound System - Nu Cead Againn Dul Abhaile/We Cannot Go Home (7:21)
14. Afro Celt Sound System - Release (feat. Sinéad O'Connor) (4:14)
15. Afro Celt Sound System - When You're Falling (5:14)
16. Afro Celt Sound System featuring Peter Gabriel - Falling (3:59)
17. Alabama - Song Of The South (3:11)
18. Alice In Chains - Angry Chair (4:49)
19. Alice In Chains - Dirt (5:16)
20. Alice In Chains - Grind (4:46)
21. Alice In Chains - Heaven Beside You (5:29)
22. Alice In Chains - I Stay Away (4:14)
23. Alice In Chains - No Excuses (4:16)
24. Alice In Chains - Rooster (6:16)
25. Alice In Chains - Sea Of Sorrow (5:50)
26. Alice In Chains - Them Bones (2:30)
27. Alice In Chains - We Die Young (2:32)
28. Alice In Chains - What The Hell Have I (Remix) (3:54)
29. Alien Ant Farm - Smooth Criminal (3:28)
30. Alkaline Trio - Lucretia My Reflection (4:26)
31. Amel Larrieux - make me whole (4:32)
32. Aphex Twin - O Fortuna (Remix) (4:52)
33. Aphex Twins - O Fortuna (Remix) (4:52)
34. Apocalyptica - Carmina Burana - o fortuna (2:42)
35. Apoptygma Berzerk - Apotheosis - Ofortuna (Remix) (5:41)
36. Apoptygma Berzerk - Bitch (4:21)
37. Apoptygma Berzerk - Eclipse (Dimension D RMX) (6:19)
38. Apoptygma Berzerk - Fade To Black (5:00)
39. Apoptygma Berzerk - Fade To Black (5:00)
40. Apoptygma Berzerk - In This Together (3:51)
41. Apoptygma Berzerk - Kathy´s song (VNV Nation rmx) (7:42)
42. Apoptygma Berzerk - Love never dies part 1 (5:27)
43. Apoptygma Berzerk - Mourn (Industrial Heads Remix) (6:34)
44. Apoptygma Berzerk - Near (Banilla Dream Version) (0:20)
45. Apoptygma Berzerk - O Fortuna (Remix) (4:52)
46. Apoptygma Berzerk - Suffer in Silence (7:21)
47. Apoptygma Berzerk - Until The End Of The World (5:52)
48. Apotheosis - Apotheosis - O Fortuna (excalibur remix) (3:51)
49. Apotheosis - O Fortuna (Apocalypse Chorus Mix) (4:53)
50. Apotheosis - O Fortuna (Apocalypse Chorus Mix) (4:53)
51. Aretha Franklin - I will Survive (4:30)
52. Assemblage 23 - Disappoint -Funker Vogt Remix- (6:01)
53. Assemblage 23 - Awake (Imperative Reaction Mix - 138 BPM) (5:54)
54. Assemblage 23 - Bi-Polar (5:57)
55. Assemblage 23 - Cocoon (5:59)
56. Assemblage 23 - Coward (5:49)
57. Assemblage 23 - Coward (5:49)
58. Assemblage 23 - Disappoint (6:03)
59. Assemblage 23 - Disappoint (Funker Vogt RMX) (6:01)
60. Assemblage 23 - Divide (6:01)
61. Assemblage 23 - Document (Endanger Mix) (4:43)
62. Assemblage 23 - Fallen Down (5:46)
63. Assemblage 23 - Let Me Be Your Armor (4:25)
64. Assemblage 23 - Love My Way (5:40)
65. Assemblage 23 - Lullaby (5:24)
66. Assemblage 23 - Naked (God Module) (5:24)
67. Assemblage 23 - Regret (5:01)
68. Assemblage 23 - Skyquake (voice of god mix) (6:17)
69. Assemblage 23 - The Drowning Season (Original 1996 Mix) (5:10)
70. Aural Vampire - basara (3:17)
71. Aural Vampire - Darkwave Surfer (5:00)
72. Aural Vampire - S.O.B. (2:35)
73. Aural Vampire - Voodoo Vocoder (4:30)
74. Ayria - Beta Complex (6:08)
75. Ayria - Cutting (6:13)
76. Ayria - Had Something (5:28)
77. Ayria - Horrible Dream (5:39)
78. Ayria - Horrible Dream (Glis mix) (4:52)
79. Ayria - Horrible Dream (Synth X RMX) (3:41)
80. Ayria - Mercury (5:56)
81. Ayria - My Device (5:01)
82. Ayria - My Revenge On The World (5:19)
83. Ayria - My Revenge On The World (5:19)
84. Ayria - Pink Dress (5:01)
85. Ayria - Red Shift (5:26)
86. Ayria - Sapphire (Implant mix) (6:19)
87. Ayria - Substance (More Pills Xp8 Mix) (5:42)
88. Bagpipes, Techno - Irish Soccer Chant (3:47)
89. Bauhaus - Bela Lugosi is Dead (9:36)
90. Bauhaus - Crowds (3:14)
91. Bauhaus - Rosegarden Funeral Of Sores (5:32)
92. Bauhaus - She's In Parties (3:51)
93. Beach Boys - Fun fun fun (2:03)
94. Bella Morte - Fall No More (5:06)
95. Bella Morte - Fall No More (5:06)
96. Bella Morte - The Quiet (5:33)
97. Bile - Ura F**king Loser (5:01)
98. Billy Connely - Under The Scotsman's Kilt (2:13)
99. Billy Idol - Rock The Cradle Of Love (4:41)
100. Billy Idol - White Wedding (4:09)
101. black tape for a blue girl - 01 - the scavenger bride (2:45)
102. black tape for a blue girl - 02 - kinski (3:30)
103. black tape for a blue girl - 06 - floats in the updrafts (1:37)
104. black tape for a blue girl - 07 - a livery of bachelors (4:20)
105. black tape for a blue girl - 13 - bastille day, 1961 (5:48)
106. Black Tape for a Blue Girl - Overwhelmed Beneath Me (3:25)
107. Black Tape For A Blue Girl - The Doorkeeper (1:17)
108. Blaze - The Coffin (127:07)
109. Blind Melon - No Rain (3:39)
110. Bloodbath - Breeding Death (4:34)
111. Bloodhound Gang - Along Comes Mary (3:20)
112. Bloodhound Gang - Blood Hound Gang - A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying (5:37)
113. Bloodhound Gang - Discovery Channel (4:21)
114. Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo (2:51)
115. Bloodhound Gang - I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks (3:49)
116. Bloodhound Gang - Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny (3:05)
117. Bloodhound Gang - Mope (4:36)
118. Bloodhound Gang - The Ballad of Chasey Lane (2:21)
119. Bloodhound Gang - The Roof Is On Fire (4:51)
120. Bloodhound Gang - Vagina (3:54)
121. Blue October - Blue October - Weight Of The World (4:03)
122. Blue October - Calling You (4:20)
123. Blue October - Do You Ever Wonder (4:06)
124. Blue October - Hate Me (6:22)
125. Blue October - Into the Ocean (3:59)
126. Blue October - she's my ride home (4:41)
127. Blue October - Ugly Side (4:23)
128. Blutengel - Black Wedding (3:38)
129. Blutengel - Bloody Pleasures (4:40)
130. Blutengel - Cry Little Sister (4:49)
131. Blutengel - Gothik (4:52)
132. Blutengel - Her song (2:26)
133. Blutengel - I Will Follow (4:57)
134. Blutengel - in extremo - Wind (4:25)
135. Blutengel - Seelenschmerz (5:33)
136. Blutengel - Solitary Angel (5:08)
137. BlutEngel - Vampire Romance (Solitary Experiments Remix) (5:26)
138. Bob Dylan & Tom Petty - House of the Rising Sun (live 1986) (5:16)
139. Buddhist Chants - Tibetan Monks- Meditation Bells (11:33)
140. Buggles - Video Killed the Radio Star (4:14)
141. Burzum - Daudi Baldrs (8:49)
142. Cabaret Voltaire - Obsession (5:19)
143. Cansever - Intikam Tasiyorum (4:40)
144. Carfax Abbey - Soul to Bleed (4:48)
145. Carpenters - The End Of The World (2:26)
146. Celtic - Era - O Fortuna (2:26)
147. Celtic bagpipes - highland cathedral (1) (2:59)
148. Celtic Bagpipes - Hymn to the Sea (6:24)
149. Celtic Frost- Dethroned Emperor (4:37)
150. Celtic Woman - Danny Boy (3:26)
151. Chiasm - Isolated (5:17)
152. Chieftains - Dueling Chanters (2:53)
153. Chuck Berry - Johny B Goode (2:43)
154. Claire Voyant - AQUA (4:08)
155. Claire Voyant - Blinking Tears (Haujobb) (4:59)
156. Claire Voyant - Elysium (6:02)
157. Claire Voyant - Everafter (Singing in the Rain Remix by J. Stephen Foster) (3:35)
158. Claire Voyant - Fear (5:37)
159. Claire Voyant - Love The Giver (Covenant Mix) (5:28)
160. claire voyant - majesty (mix by vnv nation) (5:42)
161. Claire Voyant - Majesty [Premonition mix by Assemblage 23] (genre; dance darkwave ebm electronic gothic-techno ind (6:48)
162. Claire Voyant - Pieces (4:34)
163. Claire Voyant - Silence (4:59)
164. Claire Voyant - Time and the Maiden ( Luxt Remix) (4:49)
165. Claire Voyant - Twenty-Four Years (6:17)
166. Clan Of Xymox - Clan of Xymox - Evelyn (4:03)
167. Clash - Rock The Casbah (Dance Remix) (3:40)
168. Coheed And Cambria - Blood Red Summer (4:05)
169. Coheed and Cambria - The Suffering (4:15)
170. Coheed And Cambria - Welcome Home (6:16)
171. collide - falling up-egypt mix (4:50)
172. Collide - Razor Sharp (4:52)
173. Combichrist - Blut Royale (5:33)
174. Combichrist - Bulletfuck (3:32)
175. Combichrist - Beneath Every Depth (7:59)
176. combichrist - Kiss the Blade (8:09)
177. Combichrist - enjoy the abuse (5:14)
178. Combichrist - feed your anger (4:50)
179. Combichrist - Get Your Body Beat (Album Version) (4:35)
180. Combichrist - Get Your Body Beat (Album Version) (4:35)
181. Combichrist - Happy Fcuking Birthday (4:49)
182. Combichrist - I'm Happy Anyway (5:11)
183. Combichrist - Intruder Alert (3:41)
184. Combichrist - Joy To The World.mp3 (4:18)
185. CombiChrist - Play Dead (4:07)
186. Combichrist - Sex Drogen und Industri (Remix (5:03)
187. Combichrist - This Is My Life (6:18)
188. Combichrist - This Shit Will Fuck You Up (4:45)
189. Combichrist - Today I Woke to The Rain of Blood (5:45)
190. Combichrist - today i woke to the rain of blood (5:45)
191. combichrist - Turmoil (2:54)
192. CombiChrist - Winteryear (3:36)
193. Combichrist - Winteryear (3:36)
194. Combichrist - Without Emotions (4:42)
195. Combichrist - Without Emotions (4:42)
196. Combichrist - Without Emotions (4:42)
197. Combichrist - Wreckage (5:54)
198. Combichrist - You Will Be The Bitch Now (3:25)
199. Covenant - Covenant - Luminal (Funker Vogt) (4:45)
200. covenant - like tears in rain (5:51)
201. Covenant - Planetary Black Elements (5:48)
202. Covenant - Stalker (goth mix) (5:27)
203. covenant - unforgiven (4:43)
204. Covenant - We Stand Alone (5:27)
205. Covenant - We Stand Alone (5:27)
206. Cradle Of Filth - Dracula Nosferatu (3:33)
207. Creed - My Own Prison (4:58)
208. Current 93 - A Gothic Love Song (6:03)
209. Dagda - Celtic Trance (3:55)
210. Daniel O'Donnell - Three Leaf Shamrock (4:55)
211. Dark Lotus - Call Upon Your Gods (4:57)
212. Dark Lotus - Dark Lotus - My First Time (3:50)
213. Dark Lotus - Dark Lotus - She Was (4:25)
214. Das Ich - aura [wumpscut] (4:16)
215. Das Ich - Destillat (VNV Nation Remix) (6:03)
216. Das Ich - Dorn (3:04)
217. Das Ich - Re Animat (4:21)
218. Das Ich (remixed by A. Bircher from Art des Hauses) - Der Schrei (ADH Remix) (4:06)
219. Davinci's Notebook - Another Irish Drinking Song (3:57)
220. Dead Can Dance - Into The Labyrinth (D. Bowie) (5:28)
221. Death In June - Little Black Angel (4:15)
222. Delerium - Lamentation (8:32)
223. Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence (Sasha & John Digweed Techno Trance mix) (7:45)
224. Depeche Mode - Strange Love (3:47)
225. Depeche Mode - Tainted Love (Techno Remix) (5:42)
226. Devision - Blue Moon (Limited) (4:30)
227. DeVision - I Regret (VNV Nation Remix) (5:13)
228. DeVision - Moments we shared (Remix) (4:32)
229. DeVision - Ride on a Star (4:29)
230. deVision - Slaves to Passion (3:28)
231. Devision - Your Hands on My Skin (Beborn Beton Mix) (5:20)
232. Devo - Whip It (2:39)
233. DFB/Korn - Coming Undone Wit It (Mash Up) (3:31)
234. Diary of Dreams - Blind in Darkness (6:22)
235. die form - doctor x
236. Die Form - Erotic Non-Stop
237. Die Form - Le Reve 2
238. Die Form - Rain Of Blood (4:56)
239. Die Form - shaved girls
240. Die Form - Slavesex 994
241. Die Form - Vertex
242. Dimmu Borgir - Cataclysm Children (5:13)
243. DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Parents Just Dont Understand (5:14)
244. Don McLean - American Pie (8:32)
245. Dr Demento - Cheech & Chong - Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny Wappin' (3:03)
246. Dr Demento - Cows With Guns (H (5:20)
247. Dr Demento - Disco Duck (3:13)
248. Dr Hook - Mama Don't Dance & Your Daddy Don't Rock & Roll (2:48)
249. Dr. Demento - 99 Dead Baboons (2:56)
250. Dr. Demento - Boot To The Head (6:08)
251. Dr. Demento - Puttin' on the Ritz ( Mel Brook's - Young Frankenstein - Gene Wilder & Peter Boyle) (2:39)
252. Dr. Demento - Rodney Carrington - Marijuanaville (4:00)
253. Dr. Demento - Weird Al Yankovic - Cat in the Kettle (1:43)
254. Draconian - Heaven Laid In Tears (Angels' Lament) (6:54)
255. Dream Theater - Take Away My Pain.mp3 (6:02)
256. drinking song - Molly Malone (3:25)
257. Dropkick Murphies - Amazing Grace.mp3 (2:38)
258. Dropkick Murphies - Barroom Heros (2:57)
259. Dropkick Murphies - Finnegan's Wake (2:19)
260. Dropkick Murphies - Kiss Me Im (5:34)
261. Dropkick Murphies - Legend of Finn McCumhail (2:18)
262. Dropkick Murphies - The Pub With No Beer (2:26)
263. Dropkick Murphies-The Gangs all Here (2:07)
264. Dropkick Murphys - Walk Away (2:51)
265. Drunk Irishmen - Whiskey In The Jar (3:01)
266. Dublin Fair - Midsummer Dream (3:33)
267. Duran Duran - Hungry Like The Wolf (3:27)
268. Duran Duran - Relax, Don't Do It (3:55)
269. Duran Duran - Rio (5:33)
270. dynamite hack - boyz in the hood (3:02)
271. Echo & the Bunnymen - Pictures On My Wall (2:53)
272. Edge Of Sanity - 29 - Covenant Of Souls IV (1:11)
273. Elend - Infernal Beauty (5:13)
274. Emilie Autumn - Back Allergo (3:26)
275. Emilie Autumn - BYTHESWORD (5:19)
276. Emilie Autumn - Castle Down (3:52)
277. Emilie Autumn - Chambermaid (3:14)
278. Emilie Autumn - Ever (6:11)
279. Emilie Autumn - Gothic Lolita (2:24)
280. Emilie Autumn - Heard It All (3:22)
281. Emilie Autumn - Hollow Like My Soul (4:49)
282. Emilie Autumn - How Strange (3:07)
283. Emilie Autumn - How To Break A Heart (0:36)
284. Emilie Autumn - How To Break A Heart (0:36)
285. Emilie Autumn - I Don't Care Much (4:49)
286. Emilie Autumn - I Know It's Over (6:46)
287. Emilie Autumn - I Want My Innocence Back (3:45)
288. Emilie Autumn - Liar (6:02)
289. Emilie Autumn - Misery Loves Company (4:27)
290. Emilie Autumn - O Mistress Mine (5:21)
291. Emilie Autumn - Opheliac (5:33)
292. Emilie Autumn - Prologue: Across The Sky (5:10)
293. Emilie Autumn - Rapunzel (3:57)
294. Emilie Autumn - Recercada (1:53)
295. Emilie Autumn - Revelry (2:01)
296. Emilie Autumn - Second Hand Faith (4:43)
297. Emilie Autumn - Shallott (4:04)
298. Emilie Autumn - Swallow (6:15)
299. Emilie Autumn - The Art of Suicide (5:30)
300. Emilie Autumn - What If (4:08)
301. emilie autumn happosais revenve
302. Eminem - Ass Like That (BlockTapes.com) (4:25)
303. Eminem - Big Weenie (BlockTapes.com) (4:26)
304. Eminem - Evil Deeds (BlockTapes.com) (4:19)
305. Eminem - Just Lose It (BlockTapes.com) (4:08)
306. Eminem - Like Toy Soldiers (BlockTapes.com) (4:56)
307. Eminem - Mosh (BlockTapes.com) (5:17)
308. Eminem - One Shot 2 Shot (feat. D-12) (BlockTapes.com) (4:26)
309. Eminem - Rain Man (BlockTapes.com) (5:13)
310. Enigma - Age of Loneliness (6:29)
311. Enigma - Enigma - Black Moon Dance.mp3 (5:51)
312. Enigma - Enigma - Crystal Tears (3:36)
313. Enigma - Gregorian Chant.mp3 (4:56)
314. enigma - return to innocence (7:04)
315. Enigma and Sarah Brightman - Eden (4:21)
316. Enter The Haggis - Minstrel Boy (2:48)
317. Entwine - Bitter Sweet (2:40)
318. Entwine - Bleeding For The Cure (3:12)
319. Entwine - Enjoy the Silence (3:51)
320. Entwine - Everything For You (6:05)
321. Entwine - Snow White Suicide (3:49)
322. Entwine - Tears are Falling (3:54)
323. Entwine - The Guiding Light (6:25)
324. Enya - Adiemus (4:00)
325. Enya - Enigma - Sadness (4:15)
326. Era - Looking For Something (4:11)
327. Evanesance - Going Under (3:34)
328. Evanescence - 03 - Weight of the World (3:37)
329. Evanescence - Anywhere (6:03)
330. Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober (3:34)
331. Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober (3:34)
332. Evanescence - Evanescence - Silver Rain Fell (7:33)
333. Evanescence - Evanescence-Zero (2:22)
334. Evanescence - Missing (3:26)
335. Evanescence - My Immortal (4:26)
336. Evanescence - Taking Over Me (Long Ver) (2002 Demo) (3:40)
337. Evanescense - Going Under (3:35)
338. Exodus - Graveyard Symphony (3:13)
339. Exodus Quartet - Trance Jazz (7:22)
340. Exodus Quartet - Trance Jazz (7:22)
341. Faith And The Muse - Mercyground (6:36)
342. Final Fantasy X-2 - Final Fantasy X2 - Real Emotion (Japanese Version) (4:00)
343. Final Fantasy Zelda - Ocarina Of Time - Temple Of Time (Techno Remix) (3:29)
344. Flogging Molly - Devil's Dance Floor (3:58)
345. Flogging Molly - Flogging Molly - Irish Drinking Song - Seven Drunken Nights (4:11)
346. Flogging molly - Flogging Molly - Kiss My Irish Ass (4:04)
347. Flogging Molly - Irish Pub Song (2:21)
348. Flogging Molly - Pirate Song (2:21)
349. Free Porn - AAAAAAAAAAA (0:34)
350. Front 242 - Headhunter (5:01)
351. Front 242 - Headhunter 2000 (Leaether Strip Mix) (5:39)
352. front line assembly - body count (9:09)
353. Front Line Assembly - Dead of Winter (Skinny Puppy Remix) (5:39)
354. Front Line Assembly - Hydrogen (5:08)
355. Front Line Assembly - Justify My Love [ Madonna Remix ] (5:01)
356. Front Line Assembly - Predator (11:40)
357. Front Line Assembly - Predator (Final Mix) (6:32)
358. Front Line Assembly - Provision (Aphex Twin mix) (6:27)
359. Front Line Assembly - Social Enemy (5:28)
360. Front Line Assembly - The Blade (Technohead) (6:38)
361. Front Line Assembly (Noise Unit) - Decoder - 08 - Biosphere (9:37)
362. Front Line Assembly Ice (5:16)
363. Frontline Assembly - Prophecy (Haujobb remix) (5:03)
364. Funker Vogt - Fortunes Of War (Vaporized Mix) (4:36)
365. Funker Vogt - History (Timeless Decay Mix by Icon of Coil) (6:24)
366. Funker Vogt - Killing Fields (4:41)
367. Funker Vogt - Navigator (Zillo Mix) (6:16)
368. Funker Vogt - Spread Your Legs (Fuck Mix) (3:30)
369. Funker Vogt - The last (Das Ich Remix) (4:45)
370. Gaelic Storm - Caiileach's Whisper (3:35)
371. Gaelic Storm - Drink the Night Away (3:13)
372. Gaelic Storm - Feet Of Flames (3:44)
373. Gaelic Storm - Hills of Connemara (3:11)
374. Gaelic Storm - Johnny Jump Up (5:00)
375. Gaelic Storm - Johnny Tarr (3:30)
376. Gaelic Storm - Johnny Tarr (3:30)
377. Gaelic Storm - Sammy's Fancy (4:29)
378. Gaelic Storm - The Devil Went Down to Doolin (5:48)
379. Garbage - Number One Crush (4:46)
380. Garbage - Push it (4:01)
381. Garbage - Queer (4:36)
382. Garbage - Stupid Girl (4:19)
383. Garbage - When I Grow Up (3:24)
384. Genitorturers - 120 Days (4:48)
385. Genitorturers - Asphyxiate (4:51)
386. Genitorturers - Crucified (4:06)
387. Genitorturers - Flesh is the Law (3:55)
388. Genitorturers - Guns Are Good (3:16)
389. Genitorturers - House of Shame (3:26)
390. Genitorturers - I Touch Myself (3:21)
391. Genitorturers - Machine Love (3:52)
392. Genitorturers - One Who Feeds (5:22)
393. Genitorturers - Original Sin (4:47)
394. Genitorturers - River's Edge (4:29)
395. Genitorturers - Sin City (KMFDM Mix) (4:33)
396. Genitorturers - Squealer (4:35)
397. Genitorturers - Terrorvision (4:36)
398. Gob - Paint It Black (3:13)
399. Godsmack - Godsmack - I'm Doing The Best That I Can (3:24)
400. Goo Goo Dolls - Goo Goo Dolls - Long Way Down (3:28)
401. Gothic-Industrial - Clan of Xymox - Blind Hearts (Dance Mix) (6:05)
402. Gothminister-01-Wish (4:14)
403. Graveworm - Ceremonial Requiem (3:02)
404. Great Big Sea - Irish Drinking Songs - The Night Pat Murphy Died (3:03)
405. Great Big Sea - Wave Over Wave (3:49)
406. Great Big Sea & The Chieftains - Celtic Fiddle Fest (3:25)
407. Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams (4:20)
408. Green Day - Time of Your Life (2:34)
409. Gregorians - Buddhist Monks - Tibet Mantra Chants (3:06)
410. Gregorians - My Immortal (5:26)
411. Grendel - End Of Ages (5:24)
412. Group X - Mario Twins (4:02)
413. Group X : Arabian Rap Sensatio - Track 12 (1:49)
414. Guns and Roses - Cats In The Cradle (4:01)
415. Guns and Roses - November Rain (8:55)
416. Guns and Roses - Paridise City (6:46)
417. Guns N Roses - Knockin On Heavens Door (5:36)
418. Guns N' Roses - Paradise City (6:44)
419. Guns N' Roses - Sympathy for the Devil (Rolling Stones Cover) (7:36)
420. hagalaz runedance - a tale of fate (4:22)
421. Hagalaz' Runedance - Albion Autumn (2:09)
422. Hagalaz Runedance - On Wings of Rapture (3:03)
423. Hagalaz Runedance- When The Trees Were Silenced (Remix) (8:05)
424. Hamsters & Wumpscut - The Hamster Dance (Undead Mix) (1:02)
425. Hank Williams III - Gin and Juice (6:25)
426. Harry Chapin - Cats in the Cradle (3:45)
427. Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta (3:35)
428. Hate Dept - Master and Servant (5:13)
429. hate dept - start digging (the giver taker mix by 16 volt) (5:33)
430. Hate Dept - The Reflecting God (4:19)
431. Hate Dept. - Defensive (Loose and Trash mix) (3:52)
432. Hate Dept. - drive:a (netmix) (5:19)
433. Hate Dept. - Effigy (4:26)
434. Hate Dept. - Hit Back (3:50)
435. Hate Dept. - Release It (Amanda Mix) (4:43)
436. Hate Dept. - Release It (Empirion Remix Dark Edit) (4:22)
437. Hate Dept. - Start Digging (The Giver/The Taker) (5:34)
438. Hate Dept. - You Spin Me Round (4:18)
439. Hatestar - Assembled in Tears (7:16)
440. Hatestar - Detached (3:53)
441. Hatestar - dVL (3:47)
442. Hatestar - Faithless Pt I (4:09)
443. Hatestar - Faithless Pt II (3:47)
444. Hatestar - Holy Euthanasia (4:10)
445. Hatestar - iDenTic (original) (2:34)
446. Hatestar - Repulsion (1:29)
447. Hatestar - Self-Destruction (4:24)
448. Hatestar - Wasted Memories (3:05)
449. HIM - Dont Fear the Reaper (6:30)
450. HIM - HIM - When love and death embrace (6:08)
451. HIM - Poison Girl (3:50)
452. HIM - Razorblade Kiss (4:18)
453. HIM - The Funeral Of Hearts (3:37)
454. Hinder - How Long (3:24)
455. Ice Cube - It was a good day (4:20)
456. Incognito - Still a friend of Mine (5:38)
457. Incubus Succubus - Call Out My Name (3:29)
458. Incubus Succubus - Call Out My Name (3:29)
459. Incubus Succubus - Inkubus Sukkubus - Erotic Angel (3:32)
460. Incubus Succubus - Song to Pan (3:02)
461. Inkubus Sukkubus - Samhain (4:22)
462. Insane Clown Posse - Behind the Paint (4:33)
463. Irish Drinking Songs - Irish Rovers - The Unicorn Song (3:20)
464. Irish drinking songs - Kiss my irish ass - Kiss my irish ass (4:04)
465. Irish Drinking Songs - The Last Saskatchewan Pirate (4:09)
466. irish drinking songs - Under the Scotsman's Kilt (2:26)
467. Irish Rovers - The Scotsman (2:27)
468. Jack Off Jill - Jack Off Jill - Bruises are Back in Style (1:38)
469. Jamie Madrox - Keep On (Boombox Re-mix) (Fea (3:33)
470. Jay Z & Linkin Park - 99 problems (4:55)
471. Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues (2:51)
472. Johnny Cash - Ghost Riders In The Sky (3:42)
473. Johnny Cash - Hurt (3:38)
474. Johnny Cash - I Hung My Head (3:53)
475. Johnny Cash - I Walk the Line (2:43)
476. Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire (2:33)
477. Jonathan Davis - Forsaken (3:35)
478. Jonny Cash - Cat's In The Cradle (3:19)
479. Joy Division - The Eternal (6:07)
480. Joy Electric - Burgundy Years (4:07)
481. Joy Electric - Candy Cane Carriage (3:54)
482. Joy Electric - I'm OK, You're OK (2:55)
483. Joy Electric - Lollipop Parade (3:11)
484. Joy Electric - Monosynth (3:19)
485. Joy Electric - Pictures of You (5:08)
486. Joy Electric - Quite Quieter Than Spiders (3:09)
487. Joy Electric - The Matterhorn (1:59)
488. Joy Electric - We Are Rock (The Faint Mix) (3:27)
489. Kid Rock - Only God Knows Why (5:27)
490. Killing Joke - Love like Blood (4:24)
491. KMFDM - Material Girl (4:25)
492. KMFDM - A Drug Against War (3:43)
493. KMFDM - Anarchy (5:33)
494. KMFDM - Apathy (3:10)
495. KMFDM - Juke Joint Jezebel (5:40)
496. KMFDM - Megalomaniac (6:07)
497. KMFDM - She Moves In Mysterious Ways (3:08)
498. KMFDM - Techno Syndrome (MortalKombat) (3:41)
499. Korn - Blind (4:18)
500. Korn - Coming Undone (3:19)
501. KoRn - Freak on a leash (4:14)
502. KoRn - Twisted Transistor (2:49)
503. Kottonmouth Kings - peace not greed (4:58)
504. Kraftwerk - Computer Love (7:18)
505. Lacrimosa - Senses (6:03)
506. Lacuna Coil - Comalies (4:59)
507. Lacuna Coil - Enjoy The Silence (4:05)
508. Lacuna Coil - Heaven's A Lie (4:46)
509. Lacuna Coil - Self Deception (3:31)
510. Lacuna Coil - Shallow End (6:04)
511. L'ame Immortelle - Epitaph (4:15)
512. L'ame Immortelle - Judgement (4:10)
513. L'Âme Immortelle - Stumme Schreie (3:32)
514. L'ame Immortelle - Tears In The Rain (4:08)
515. Led Zeplin - House of the rising sun (4:30)
516. Leftfield - Song of Life (6:55)
517. Les Claypool of Primus - Gin and Juice (Snoop Dogg Cover) (6:24)
518. Linkin Park - A Place For My Head (3:04)
519. Linkin Park - By Myself (3:09)
520. Linkin Park - crawling (3:28)
521. Linkin Park - Don't Stay (3:07)
522. Linkin Park - Faint (2:42)
523. Linkin Park - Linkin Park - Breaking The Habit (3:16)
524. Linkin Park - linkin park - Somwhere I Belong (3:33)
525. Linkin Park - One Step Closer (2:35)
526. Linkin Park - Papercut (3:05)
527. Linkin Park - Pushing Me Away (3:11)
528. Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong (3:33)
529. Linkin Park - Step Up (unreleased) (3:57)
530. Lit - My Own Worst Enemy (2:49)
531. Little Richard - Roll Over Beethoven (2:27)
532. London After Midnight - Love Song (4:49)
533. Lords Of Acid - 14 - I Sit On Acid (God Lives Underwater Satan on the 'Cibes Mix) (4:05)
534. Lords Of Acid - Heaven - Possess (Trance-Rave-Techno) (2:52)
535. Lords of Acid - I Sit on Acid (5:52)
536. Lords Of Acid - Out Comes The Evil (4:24)
537. Lords Of Acid - Pussy (4:07)
538. Lords of Acid - Rough Sex (4:51)
539. Lords of Acid - Spank my Booty (3:52)
540. Lords Of Acid - Stripper (3:36)
541. Loreena McKennitt - All souls night (5:09)
542. Loreena McKennitt - Between the Shadows (3:41)
543. Loreena McKennitt - Bonny Portmore (4:20)
544. Loreena McKennitt - Courtyard Lullaby (4:57)
545. Loreena McKennitt - Cymbeline (5:01)
546. Loreena McKennitt - Dante's Prayer (7:12)
547. Loreena McKennitt - Greensleeves (4:26)
548. Loreena McKennitt - La Serenissima (5:10)
549. Loreena McKennitt - Marco Polo (5:20)
550. Loreena McKennitt - Night Ride Across the Caucasus (8:33)
551. Loreena McKennitt - Prologue (4:26)
552. Loreena McKennitt - Skellig (6:11)
553. Loreena McKennitt - Tango to Evora (4:09)
554. Loreena McKennitt - The Highwayman (10:21)
555. Loreena McKennitt - The Lady of Shalot (11:34)
556. Loreena McKennitt - The Mummers' Dance (6:10)
557. Loreena McKennitt - The Mummers' Dance (6:11)
558. Loreena McKennitt - The Old Ways (5:45)
559. Luxt - Bliss (3:18)
560. Luxt - Chromasex Monkeydrive [06] - No Turning Back (2:44)
561. Luxt - Devil's Advocate (5:19)
562. Luxt - Genie in a Bottle (3:38)
563. LUXT - Life Is Pain (4:05)
564. Luxt - Life is Pain ( Undertaker Intro) (5:24)
565. Luxt - Luxt - Cars (4:33)
566. Luxt - Luxt - Technochrist (4:20)
567. Luxt - Proof (3:47)
568. Luxt - Suck It Down (3:07)
569. Marianne Faithfull - Marianne Faithfull - Wicca the Witches Song (4:14)
570. Marilyn Manson - Incubus Succubus - Paint It Black (Goth Rolling Stones Cover) (3:53)
571. Marilyn Manson - Personal Jesus (Depeche Mode Cover) (3:52)
572. Massive Attack - U2 Mysterious Ways (4:46)
573. Mediaeval Baebes - I Am Eve (3:40)
574. Mediaeval Baebes - Medieval Babes - Pagan - Gregorian - Druid Chant (1:25)
575. Megaman Theme (Techno Remix) - Mega Man Theme (Techno Remix) (6:43)
576. MegaMix - Funker Vogt, Front 242, Apoptygma Berzerk, Evils Toy, Claire Voyant, VNV Nation (22:05)
577. Men Without Hats - Safety Dance (Biodome Remix) (4:34)
578. Men Without Hats - Safety Dance (Original) (4:35)
579. Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance (4:35)
580. Metalica - Metallica - Nothing Else Matters (6:28)
581. Metallica - Battery (5:09)
582. Metallica - Enter Sandman (7:41)
583. Metallica - Harvester of Sorrow (5:44)
584. Metallica - Hero of the Day (4:21)
585. Metallica - I Disappear (4:33)
586. Metallica - Master of Puppets (8:37)
587. Metallica - Metallica - Fade To Black (6:52)
588. Metallica - Metallica - Sanitarium (6:27)
589. Metallica - Metallica - The Unforgiven (6:27)
590. Metallica - No Leaf Clover (5:43)
591. Metallica - One (7:24)
592. Metallica - Sanitarium (6:24)
593. Metallica - The Memory Remains (4:37)
594. Metallica - The Unforgiven II (6:35)
595. Metallica - Turn The Page (6:06)
596. Metallica - Until It Sleeps (4:29)
597. Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar (5:04)
598. Michael Jackson - 80s DISCO MEGAMIX (11:17)
599. Michael Jackson - Beat It (4:14)
600. Michael Jackson - Billie jean (4:54)
601. Michael Jackson - Billie Jean (4:52)
602. Michael Jackson - Michael jackson - Eminem Vs Billy jean (3:25)
603. Michael Jackson - michael jackson - Im Bad (4:05)
604. Michael Jackson - Micheal Jackson - The Way You Make Me Feel (4:57)
605. Michael Jackson - Micheal Jackson - Thriller (6:01)
606. Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal (4:17)
607. Michael Jackson - Thriller (5:57)
608. Mindless Self Indulgence - Joke (1:58)
609. Mindless Self Indulgence - Wack! (2:10)
610. Mission UK - Last Beat of Your Heart (Brujah) (2:58)
611. Monkees - Day Dream Believer (2:46)
612. Moody Blues - House Of The Rising Sun (4:31)
613. Morrissey - Everyday is Like Sunday (3:35)
614. Mortiis - Monarch Of The Mighty Dakness (5:54)
615. Mozart - Carmina Burana O Fortuna (Techno Mix) (6:20)
616. Mr Fingers - The Juice (trax Records) (7:11)
617. Muse - House of the rising sun (3:01)
618. My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult - Do You Fear (black box mix) (5:34)
619. My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult - Do You Fear (For Your Child) [LP Version] (5:36)
620. Mychael Danna, Jeff Danna - The Blood of Cu Chulainn (4:07)
621. Nada Surf - Popular (3:48)
622. Nena - 99 Luft Balloons (3:54)
623. Neuroticfish - Why Don't You Hate Me (6:45)
624. New Order - Confusion (10:11)
625. Nickelback - How You Remind Me (3:29)
626. Nightmare Before Christmas - This Is Halloween (3:16)
627. Nightwish - Ocean Soul (4:15)
628. Nightwish - The Siren (4:45)
629. NIN - Perfect Drug (5:14)
630. Nina Simone - Nina Simone - House of the Rising Sun (4:29)
631. Nine Inch Nails - Closer (6:12)
632. Nine Inch Nails - Dead Souls (4:54)
633. Nine Inch Nails - Deep (3:36)
634. Nine Inch Nails - Hurt (6:15)
635. Nine Inch Nails - Nine Inch Nails - Purest Feeling (3:00)
636. Nine Inch Nails - Terrible Lie (4:39)
637. Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds (3:38)
638. Nintendo - Castlevania Theme (Gothic Techno Remix) (5:08)
639. Nirvana - Rape Me (2:49)
640. nitzer ebb - control i'm here (razormaid) (5:41)
641. Nitzer Ebb - Family Man (Remixed version) (3:58)
642. Nitzer Ebb - Fitness To Purpose (1:51)
643. Nitzer Ebb - Fun to be Had (4:43)
644. Nitzer Ebb - Hearts And Minds (3:44)
645. Nitzer Ebb - Join In The Chant (Front 242 Remix) (5:25)
646. Nitzer Ebb - Let Your Body Learn ( mix) (6:27)
647. Nitzer Ebb - Murderous (5:43)
648. Nitzer Ebb - Murderous (Razormaid! Mix) (6:27)
649. Nitzer Ebb - Nitzer Ebb - Join In The Chant (5:27)
650. Nitzer Ebb - Violent Playground (3:49)
651. Nosferatu - The Night is Young (5:19)
652. Oasis - Don't Look Back in Anger (4:48)
653. Oasis - Wonderwall (4:20)
654. Oldies - Dr. Demento - Monster Mash (3:09)
655. Orgy - Blue Monday (4:26)
656. orgy - blue monday (techno remix) - orgy - blue monday (techno remix) (8:18)
657. Orgy - Fiction (Dreams In Digital) (3:26)
658. Orgy - Stiches (3:20)
659. Ozzy Osbourne - Elmer Fudd, Kill The Wabbit (2:17)
660. Papa Roach - Between Angels and Insects (3:58)
661. Papa Roach - last resort (3:22)
662. People Under The Stairs - Schooled In The Trade (3:40)
663. Portishead & Moloko - Fun For Me (3:48)
664. Primal Scream - Miss Lucifer (2:29)
665. Prodigy - Breath (5:35)
666. Prodigy - Climbatize (6:36)
667. Prodigy - Fire Starter (4:41)
668. Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up (5:42)
669. Project Pitchfork - Daimonion (You Hear Me In Your Dreams) (4:57)
670. Project Pitchfork - Carnival (4:14)
671. Project Pitchfork - Eon (4:10)
672. Project Pitchfork - Existence (VNV Nation remix) (5:13)
673. Project Pitchfork - In The Year 2525 (4:18)
674. Project Pitchfork - Orange Moon (4:11)
675. Project Pitchfork - The Clone (4:18)
676. Project Pitchfork - Timekiller (4:16)
677. R. Carlos Nakai - Lakota Wedding Song (3:07)
678. R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) (4:04)
679. Rammstein - Buck Dich (3:22)
680. Rammstein - Ich Will (3:11)
681. Ramstein - Engel (4:23)
682. Ramstein & Korn - Good God (3:32)
683. Rasputina - Kate Moss (1:34)
684. Rasputina - The New Zero (3:40)
685. Rasputina - Wichcraft (3:11)
686. Razed In Black - Blue Monday (4:51)
687. Razed In Black - Control (4:50)
688. Razed In Black - Damage Inc. (4:08)
689. Razed In Black - Erotica (4:49)
690. Razed In Black - I Want Candy (4:07)
691. Razed In Black - I've Suffered Long Enough (5:57)
692. Razed in Black - Part of Me (Tool Remix) (3:38)
693. Razed in Black - Poison (4:58)
694. Razed in Black - Razed In Black - Pride (4:22)
695. Razed In Black - Salem's Demise (4:17)
696. Razed In Black - Sin (4:59)
697. Real Life - Send Me An Angel (Extended) (1) (5:48)
698. Revolting Cocks - Beers, Steers, and Queers (5:46)
699. Revolting Cocks - Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? (5:37)
700. Richard Cheese - Closer (Nine Inch Nails) (2:21)
701. Richard Cheese - Come Out And Play (2:40)
702. Richard Cheese - Fight For Your Right (1:54)
703. Richard Cheese - Gin and Juice (6:24)
704. Richard Cheese - Gin And Juice (Snoop Dogg) (6:24)
705. Richard Cheese - Hungry Like The Wolf (3:38)
706. Richard Cheese - Nookie, Break Stuff (2:35)
707. Richard Cheese - Richard Cheese - Insane In The Brain (3:17)
708. Richard Cheese - Smack My Bitch Up (3:00)
709. Richard Cheese - What's My Age Again (1:23)
710. Rick James - Brickhouse (3:26)
711. Rob Thomas - Smooth (4:57)
712. Rob Zombie - [EMG] - Brickhouse 2000 (Feat Lionel R (3:48)
713. Rob Zombie - American Witch (3:48)
714. Rolling Stones - Animals - House of the Rising Sun (4:31)
715. Run DMC & Aerosmith - Walk This Way (5:10)
716. Saliva - Click Click Boom (4:12)
717. Schiller & Heppner - I Feel You (5:33)
718. Send Me An Angel - Real Life - Send Me An Angel - Real Life (3:56)
719. Shaggy 2 Dope - Shaggy's Old Vinyl Collection (119:51)
720. She Wants Revenge - Red Flags And Long NIghts (5:11)
721. She Wants Revenge - Someone Must Get Hurt (4:46)
722. She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart (4:44)
723. Silke Bischoff - Love Never Dies (4:36)
724. Silly Wizard - The Gold Claddagh Ring (3:32)
725. Sister Sledge - We Are Family (6:06)
726. Sisters Of Mercy - Alice (3:56)
727. sisters of mercy - black plan (4:41)
728. Sisters of Mercy - Cry Little Sister - The Lost Boys Soundtrack (4:47)
729. Sisters Of Mercy - Dominion/Mother Russia (7:01)
730. Sisters of Mercy - Jolene (3:36)
731. Sisters of Mercy - Sisters of Mercy - Sympathy for the Devil (4:33)
732. Sisters Of Mercy - Temple Of Love (1992) (8:07)
733. Sisters of Mercy - This Corrosion (4:16)
734. Skinny Puppy - Addiction (KMFDM remix) (6:35)
735. Skinny Puppy - Addiction (KMFDM remix) (6:35)
736. Skinny Puppy - Assimilate (Razed in Black Remix) (5:06)
737. Skinny Puppy - Brak Talk (4:48)
738. Skinny Puppy - Chainsaw (5:55)
739. Skinny Puppy - Convulsion (3:20)
740. Skinny Puppy - Cult (3:03)
741. Skinny Puppy - Hardset Head (4:03)
742. Skinny Puppy - Icebreaker (3:14)
743. Skinny Puppy - Optimissed (4:44)
744. Skinny Puppy - Pro-test (5:28)
745. Skinny Puppy - Skinny Puppy - Dig It (7:24)
746. Skinny Puppy - Skinny Puppy - Dig It (7:24)
747. Skinny Puppy - Skinny Puppy - Lust Chance (3:44)
748. Skinny Puppy - Skinny Puppy - Suicide Song (3:08)
749. Skinny Puppy - Spasmolytic (3:54)
750. Skinny Puppy - Tainted Love (3:59)
751. Skinny Puppy - Tin Omen (4:36)
752. Skinny Puppy & Type O Negative - Techno Industry (4:21)
753. skinny puppy Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails - Warlock (Unreleased from Tapeworm project) (6:49)
754. Skinny Puppy vs. Front Line Assembly - Dead of Winter (5:39)
755. Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 (4:25)
756. Smashing Pumpkins - Ava Adora (4:18)
757. Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings (4:18)
758. Smashing Pumpkins - Cherub Rock (4:58)
759. Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm (3:15)
760. Smashing Pumpkins - Today (3:19)
761. Smashing Pumpkins - Zero (2:40)
762. Smashing Pumpkins - Zero (2:40)
763. Snake River Conspiracy - Breed (4:29)
764. Snake River Conspiracy - Casualty (4:53)
765. Snake River Conspiracy - Cocaine and Vaseline (3:42)
766. Snake River Conspiracy - Drug Tongue(Martina's version) (4:13)
767. Snake River Conspiracy - Homicide (4:45)
768. Snake River Conspiracy - How Soon Is Now (3:56)
769. Snake River Conspiracy - Lovesong (3:55)
770. Snake River Conspiracy - Oh Well (3:46)
771. Snake River Conspiracy - Snake River Conspiracy - Sonic Jihad - 05 - Act Your Age (4:26)
772. Snake River Conspiracy - Vulcan (4:01)
773. Snake River Conspiracy - Vulcan (Loadblower Mix) (6:36)
774. Sneaker Pimps - Spin spin Sugar (8:44)
775. Snoop Dogg - Gin and Juice (3:31)
776. Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun (5:17)
777. Stabbing Westward - You Complete Me (4:05)
778. Static X - Tainted Love (Techno Remix) (5:42)
779. STONE SOUR - (12) Bother (4:00)
780. Stone Sour - Bother (4:00)
781. Stromkern - Stand Up (4:47)
782. Suicide Commando - Desire (Wumpscut Mix) (4:14)
783. Suicide Commando - Desire (Wumpscut Mix) (4:14)
784. Switchblade Symphony - Bloody Knuckles (2:41)
785. Switchblade Symphony - Chain (5:11)
786. Switchblade Symphony - Clown (5:38)
787. Switchblade Symphony - Dissolve (remix) (5:44)
788. Switchblade Symphony - Gutter Glitter (3:50)
789. Switchblade Symphony - Lucky Star (4:00)
790. Switchblade Symphony - Morning Girl (2:43)
791. switchblade symphony - Switchblade Symphony - Dollhouse (Razed in Black mix) (4:57)
792. Switchblade Symphony - Wiccan Lullaby (3:30)
793. T.A.T.U. - T.A.T.U. - All The Things She Said (Russian Techno Remix) (4:31)
794. Tapping The Vein - Again (4:44)
795. Tatu - All The Things She Said (3:34)
796. Tatu - All The Things She Said (Russians Techno Remix) (4:31)
797. Tatu - Not Gonna Get Us (4:25)
798. Tatu - Tatu - Friend or Foe (3:08)
799. Tatu + Rammstein - Polchasa Bez Tebya (Very Sad Mix) (4:32)
800. TECHNO Nine Inch Nails - The Perfect Drug (Trippy Remix) (3:26)
801. Tenacious D - Tribute (4:07)
802. The 69 Eyes - Pitchblack (4:49)
803. The Beatles - Elenor Rigby (2:07)
804. The Beatles - Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds (3:28)
805. the beatles - Mrs.Robinson (3:50)
806. The Boondock Saints soundtrack - Celtic Destiny - Gaelic Morn (3:11)
807. The Clancy Brothers and The Dubliners - Tim Finnegan's Wake (Irish Drinking Songs) (3:11)
808. The Corrs - Celtic Myst - Song for Ireland (4:53)
809. The Cramps - Dopefiend Boogie (4:19)
810. The Cranberries - Zombie (5:05)
811. The Cruxshadows - Breathe (6:27)
812. The Crüxshadows - Children In Black (6:37)
813. The Crüxshadows - Citadel (Iris Remix) (5:59)
814. The Cruxshadows - Deception (4:59)
815. The Cruxshadows - Edge of the World (5:25)
816. the cruxshadows - Even Angels Fall (2:32)
817. The Crüxshadows - Sinking (4:40)
818. The Cruxshadows - The Cruxshadows - This is...Only Sleep (4:56)
819. The Crüxshadows - The Dying Song (5:38)
820. The Cruxshadows - Winterborn (5:11)
821. The Cure - Love Song (3:30)
822. The Dismemberment Plan - The City (4:26)
823. The Gathering - Monsters (4:18)
824. The Gathering - Nighttime Birds (7:01)
825. The Legendary Pink Dots - Puppets Apocalypse (6:00)
826. The Proclaimers - 500 Miles (3:36)
827. The Sisters of Mercy - Floorshow (3:40)
828. The Sisters of Mercy - Lucretia My Reflection (8:44)
829. The Verve pipe - Freshmen (4:28)
830. Theatre Of Tragedy - phantom of the opera (4:42)
831. Thin Lizzy - Whiskey In The Jar (5:45)
832. This Mortal Coil - Alone (4:13)
833. Thrill Kill Kult - I Live For Drugs (4:56)
834. Thrill Kill Kult - Kooler Than Jesus (4:12)
835. Thrill Kill Kult - Sex On Wheels (4:05)
836. Tiamat - Divided (5:18)
837. Tim Mcgraw - Dont Take The Girl (4:09)
838. Tim McGraw - Tim McGraw - Indian Outlaw (2:59)
839. To/Die/For - Silence Tells More (5:20)
840. Tom Petty - I'm a Joker (3:37)
841. Tom Petty -- Last Dance With Mary Jane (4:31)
842. Tom Petty - Life Is A Highway (3:19)
843. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - You Don't Know How It Feels (4:49)
844. Tool - Aenima (6:39)
845. tool - learn to swim (6:39)
846. Tool - Prison Sex (4:56)
847. Tool - Sober (5:03)
848. Tool - Stink Fist (5:10)
849. Tool - Undertow (5:22)
850. Tool - Vicarious (7:09)
851. Tool & Massive Attack - Stinkfist (Trip-Hop Mix) (2:34)
852. Tristania - Gothic metal (3:21)
853. Twiztid - Nosferatu (4:05)
854. Twiztid - Twiztid - Nosferatu (4:05)
855. Type O Negative - black no. 1 (11:15)
856. Type O Negative - Blood & Fire (4:27)
857. Type O Negative - Bloody kisses (4:28)
858. type o negative - christian woman (8:56)
859. Type O Negative - Cinnamon Girl (4:00)
860. Type O Negative - Creepy Green Light (Vampire the Masquerade) (6:57)
861. Type O Negative - Everyone I Love Is Dead (6:11)
862. Type O Negative - Hallows Eve (8:35)
863. Type O Negative - Red Water (6:50)
864. Type O Negative - Summer Breeze (4:52)
865. Type O Negative - Summer Girl Banned Version (8:17)
866. Type O Negative - Wolf Moon (6:36)
867. Vast - Pretty When You Cry (3:50)
868. Velvet Acid Christ - Decypher (Luxt Serial Killer Mix) (5:22)
869. velvet acid christ - Hell One (4:27)
870. Victoria Police Pipe Band - Pipe Power (4:28)
871. Vitalic - Darkwave (4:17)
872. VNV Nation - Beloved (7:24)
873. VNV Nation - Circling Overland (front 242 Cover) (5:01)
874. VNV Nation - Dark Angel (4:57)
875. VNV Nation - Darkangel (Azrael) (7:58)
876. VNV Nation - Genesis [Icon of Coil Version] (7:43)
877. VNV Nation - Joy (5:51)
878. Vnv Nation - Serial Killer (6:31)
879. VNV Nation - Tempest (6:11)
880. VNV Nation - VNV Nation - Paint It Black (5:07)
881. Vnv Nation - VNV Nation - Solitary (Deathstar Disco by Covenant) (5:52)
882. Weird Al - Amish Paradise (3:19)
883. Weird Al - Alternative Po
884. Weird Al Yankovic - Polka Power! (4:20)
885. Weird Al Yankovic - Spatula City (1:07)
886. Weird Al Yankovic - White And Nerdy (2:49)
887. Weird Al Yankovich - Angry White Boy Polka (5:03)
888. Wierd Al - Can't Watch This (3:25)
889. Wierd Al - I'm Fat (3:38)
890. Wierd Al- Another One Rides The Bus (2:39)
891. Wierd Al- Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch (2:48)
892. wierd al- Trigger Happy (3:45)
893. Wierd Al Yancovich - Couch Potato (4:18)
894. Wierd Al Yankovic - Bohemian Rap City (3:38)
895. Wierd Al Yankovic - Ebay (3:36)
896. Wierd Al Yankovic - Eye of the Tiger (parody) (3:34)
897. Wierd Al Yankovic - Smells Like Nirvana (3:42)
898. Wierd Al Yankovic - When I Was Your Age (4:35)
899. Wierd Al Yankovich - Eat It (3:14)
900. Wierd Al Yankovich - Eat It (3:14)
901. Wierd Al Yankovich - Gump (2:09)
902. Wierd Al Yankovich - Weird Al - Constipated (Avril Lavigne Parody) (3:39)
903. Wierd Al Yankovich - Wierd Al - It wasnt me (1:58)
904. Wolfsheim - Dark love (3:39)
905. Wolfsheim - For you I'm bleeding (2:37)
906. Wolfsheim - Now I Fall (3:29)
907. Wolfstone - Brave Foot Soldiers (4:51)
908. Wumpscut - Angel (4:24)
909. wumpscut - black death (5:50)
910. Wumpscut - Christfuck (5:24)
911. Wumpscut - Fear in Motion (3:18)
912. Wumpscut - Funeral Diner (4:05)
913. Wumpscut - Hang him higher (6:06)
914. Wumpscut - I Want You (Slut Remix) (5:44)
915. wumpscut - Kill a Raver (4:43)
916. Wumpscut - Krieg (4:43)
917. wumpscut - soylent green (7:14)
918. Wumpscut - Soylent Green (7:14)
919. Wumpscut - Torn Skin (5:29)
920. Wumpscut - Totmacher (Covenant remix) (6:15)
921. Wumpscut - Totmacher (VNV Nation Remix) (4:42)
922. Wumpscut - Wreath of Barbs (5:23)
923. wumpscut - Wumpscut - Hate Is Mine (4:27)
924. Wumpscut - Wumpscut - The March Of The Dead (FAV Remix) (3:34)
925. wumpscut [05,10] war (4:42)
926. Zeromancer - Flirt (With Me) (3:59)
927. Zeromancer - Plasmatic (5:22)
928. Zeromancer - Send Me An Angel (3:58)
929. Zeromancer - Something for the pain (apb mix) (4:44)
930. ZZ Top - Tush (2:17)

1.Your Middle Name:

2. Age:

3. Single or Taken:

4. Favorite Movie:

5. Favorite Song:

6. Favorite Band/Artist:

7. Dirty or Clean:

8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:


HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of LJ?

2. Whats your philosophy on life?

3. Would you have my back in a fight?

4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

5. What is your favorite memory of us?

6. Would you give me a kidney?

7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:

8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

9. Can we get together and make a cake?

10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?

11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?

12. Do you think I'm a good person?

13. Would you drive across country with me?

14. Do you think I'm attractive?

15. If you could change anything about me, would you?

16. What do you wear to sleep?

17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you?

19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?

20. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you?

If you could have one superpower, which one would you choose? Invunerability
If you had to get rid of a Teevee channel, which is the first to go? MTV
What's your job? Waiter at Biaggi's
What's your dream job? Don't have one... pretty pathetic
Have you ever driven over 100 mph? yes
What's the last book you read? The Watchmen Graphic novel
What's your favorite swear word? Fuck.
When someone asks how you are, do you tell them, or do you just say "fine?" I tell them
What's your favorite pizza topping? Fresh roma tomato
What's the last movie you watched? Grandma's Boy and X3
If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Sebastion
If you could go back and change something in your life, what do you change? Never becoming an addict
Diet Dr. Pepper: does it really taste more like regular Dr. Pepper? No
What's your favorite sport or game to watch? Cardinals baseball
What's your favorite sport or game to play? Hockey
Your dad: could he take you in single combat? No.
Has a bodily function ever made itself known to you in an embarrassing way? Yeah.
If you were a bear, is there anyone you'd like to eat? Who? No, human would probably taste bad... maybe a nice deer... I like venison.
Of a Delicate Nature...
On the Kinsey scale from 0 to 6, 0 being completely straight and 6 being completely gay, where are you? 1
Most of the rest of these are going to assume you've had some sort of sex. Have you? Yes
What's the maximum number of times you've had the sex in a day? 4 a lot with myself
With someone other than yourself? (Feel free to go back and change the last one, now that you know what I mean.) 4
Do you have names for any of your naughty bits? not really
Are you single/taken/married/divorced/widowed/whatever else? taken
Is kissing someone other than your significant other cheating? Yes.
What about hand-to-naughty bits action? Yes.
What about oral? Yes.
Now that we've got your criteria established, assume sex at least is cheating. Ever cheated on anyone? Yes, and still regret it
Ever faked an orgasm? No
Ever been having sex and wondered what all the fuss was about? No.
Ever regretted having sex with someone? YES!
Is the best sex partner you've ever had your most recent one? YES!
What celebrity would you most like to have no-strings sex with? Why? Drew barrymore and only to fufill teenage fantasies
What fictional character would you most like to have no-strings sex with? Mystique... nuff said.
What's your favorite...
Color? Green
Number? 17
Shape? star
Book? Dark Elf Trilogy collection
Movie? Clerks
TeeVee Show? 24 or LOST
Drink? Bloody Mary
Food? My Chili
Cookie? Mom's Pumpkin cookies
Song? currently Hate me by blue october
Band or Musician? Twiztid
Cartoon character? Vegeta
Way to stick it to the man? Downloading music
Family member? Mother
Candy bar? baby Ruth or Skor
Animal? Grey Wolf
Muppet? Animal
Smell? Blood
This or that...
Freedom or Security? Freedom
Cake or Pie? Pie
Muffins or Cupcakes? Muffins
Boxers or Briefs? Boxer Briefs
Pajamas or Nakedness? Nekkid
Waffles or Pancakes? Tie
Wine or Beer? Wine
Karaoke or Table Dancing? Karaoke
Bath or Shower? Shower
Coke or Pepsi? coke
Pringles or Those Lays Chips-in-a-Can? Pringles
Reading or Watching Teevee? TV
Bowling or Mini Golf? Bowling
Taking Surveys or Doing Something Productive? Productive
I say _______:you say_______
Red? Blood
Space? shuttle
Uniform? ironing
Can? Soup
Banana? Fanna fo fanna
Electron? Neutron
Controller? X-box
Flight? freedom
Invisible? oxygen
Drugs? No thanks
Shoe? Boot
Shelf? book
Nuclear? Submarine.
Spine? pain
Jacket? leather
Love? my girlfriend
War? fucking bush....
Y Finalmente....
How awesome are you, on a scale of one to ten, one being the least awesome, and ten being the most awesome? 6-7 (until recently i was a 3)

I will be Going to STL Ren Faire Saturday, from around 1pm to six or seven. For those people who may be there that want to see me feel free to say hi. If you don't want to accidently bump into me... Fair warning I will be there.

And I have a bad feeling I need to state this... I will be there with friends and family, any attempts to get in my face will be met with me walking the hell away and ignoring you.

Russ

So this last two weeks I have been recovering from being hit by a car, it screwed up my back and I spend a week and a couple days dazed and confused on pain killers, unable to much other than sit there and watch TV or Sleep I spent a lot of time thinking. I want to tell you all the secret I held from all my friends for five years.

From the Day I started LARP ing in Edwardsville, till ten months ago, I was an addict, worse yet a junkie. Now my drug of choice was not cocaine, Heroin or alcohol, or eevn weed. I was popping pills, Vicodin, about eight a day every day. I was legitimately in pain but when you have pain and you try to detoz it becomes maddening so I just never had the willpower to quit.

This led to most of my worst self destructive behavior, and is where most of my real money went to, for a while after breaking up with alexis I got better for a time, cut down to four a day but a twisted ankle caused me to kick up my dosage and I lost all my progress and just gave in. When I moved in with Hypriest I had a couple hundred pills stockpiled but I was going through them so fast, even when I was making good money at Pizza hut waiting tables and on a few less legitimate side jobs I was spending half my money on pills. I don't blame Hypriest for kicking me out, or Pedro, hell I deserved it, I was more concerned with the high than pulling my weight. But I was high and wasn't thinking straight and when they did boot me out I got angry, it wasn't until I sobered that I felt sorry and truely repentent for what I did to Hypriest who was Like a mentor and who was my Shaman, even high he was guiding me to be better than what I was. Hypriest I appreciate that and hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me for my stupidity and the negative energy I brought into your life.

St Louis led to me dropping teh pills for weed for aa time, until I started working at california pizza kitchen and another server and a couple of teh cooks dealt me pills. I ruined a good relation ship with Lauren then did the same to Wraasgirl, leaving her in debt paying bills and buying me stuff while I blew the awesome money I made on pills, her absolute hatred of me is deserved, her I will not ask for forgivness, I used her. I honestly didn't think I was at the time I justified that I was bringing in some money and buying us a lot of good meals and that I was contributing. But what I was doing was convincing her to do things we should not have domne. My money should have gone in the fridge and rent... PERIOD.

I only have to say that I thank every god and every goddess that Though me Kira Met and grew to Love Wraa, my best friend. Hypriest was my guide and Wraa, and to a lesser Degree delmorte were my companions and were great friends to me... thank you guys and scratch for pulling Kira out when you did.

The sobering of being stranded in St Louis with people knocking down my door demanding money and having no pills left, detoxing alone in an apartment I hated with a woman who hated me... It was then in desperation I decided to clean up. I got Wraa to get me to Southern Illinois to my Brother theough hinestly it was a pity ride... and getting me out of Kira's hair, they dropped me at a hotel and paid a single nights stay and left. I met with my uncle and brother the next day and rode the detox ourt for a few days before I was sober enough to have my mom come get me. together we went to Mississippi where she paid for me to be in an out patient drug councelling session. Insomnia gripped me like never before. in teh morning at 6am I walked to the clinic took some meds meant to take the edge of detox, the afternoons I waited tables at Chili's and at night I made amazing friends at a local gaming store and obsessively gamed into teh wee hours of morning. those people I Miss and love, and Everyone I LARPed with, who ever helped me when I needed it, who ever had a kind word, thank you from the bottom of my fucking heart thank you. I realized I celbrated my one year sober aniversery three days ago... it was a quiet celbration seeing as how days run together sometimes.

I live in Champaign illiois with my Girlfriend Karen, she knew me when I was here before, an addict I wronged her then... cheated on her. But we started talking online and on the phone while I lived in Mississippi and she realized I had changed, and cautiously offered me a place in her home and in her Life. Karen i will be asleep when you read this.... nine and a half months later... thank you and I love you for showing me I am wanted and for sticking with me and truely seeing that I am a different person. and for sticking up for me when people have said they think I could never change.

I have held a job for seven months now, I'm looking for a better one because I make barely more than min wage, but I am not jumping from job to job. I don't bounce from couch to couch, or slum apartment to slum apartment.
I do owe people a great deal of money Hypriest over a thousand, USMC terram a few hundred Kira at least seven hundred, bear for funding my trip up here a few hundred, but I realisticly look at what I mae and my bills and I can't pay them which hurts me. I am gonna buy something from Devomatt because he has always been a true friend, honest with me and always spoke his mind. Matt, I feel you pain and mourn for your loss, I was there when you and Amanda started dating. Hell I pushed you and advised you to steal her from that piece of shit Justine... lol I was a piece of shit to thinking back on it but me and Fatimus prime and Terram on a late night walk... talking joking and just listening to you will alwaysbe my favorite memory of my time in edwardsville. I chered when the marriage happened. I litterally bawled like a baby in shock and saddness when she left you Matt, I'm crying now writing this. Please come see me, I want to talk to you I want to be one of the ones who IS there for you. Chase your Dream and go to Asia, fuck Nodled and anyone who calls you a traitor to america or is pessimistic towards you. I truely hope you read this.

One Edwardsville area person has seen me since my sobriety, usmc_terram. I don't know if he noticed the difference or not I was sad his stay was so short but it was great just seeing him hanging for a few hours.

all in all my life is good, I have a lot of Friends... I run a small changeling LARP in Champaign, and I have someone I love. I cry a lot though, pain, depression, and homesickness... edwardsville and my friends are home, even though so many are leaving for the military I want to go back to visit, to see you all, to apoligize to your faces, to let you look me in my eyes... eyes not clouded through a haze of medication and know me. Duff is dead, the time from 1998-2005 when I went entirely by my last name represents everything I have grown to hate about myself what is buried now. There are no excuses anymore, I just laid the truth behind those hollow things out for the world to see. If you know someone who knows me who is not on my friends list, or who hates me for something I have done to them... show them this. It is not friends only. I am sorry to everyone I have ever slight, and ever hurt.

This confession was inspired and long overdue... the inspiration was the director Kevin smith and his Blog. http://www.silentbobspeaks.com/ he just finished telling a nine part long story of Jason Meww's ten year struggle against heroin and oxycontin abuse and his struggle makes my problems look pathetic. the story is humorous and one of the most touching things I have EVER read in my life, it inspired me to end my fear and tell you all the truth.

I'm scared to hit Send...

Russ

I love you all and may peace be upon you .

Blue October-Hate Me

Children: If you're sleeping, are you dreaming, if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me? I can't believe YOU ACTUALLY MISS ME....

Mother: Hi Justin! This is your mother it is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya. Take care honey, I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so i don't loose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you


(Verse 3)
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling make it go away,
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

Children: If you're sleeping, are you dreaming, if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me. I can't believe YOU ACTUALLY MISS ME....

Your Ultimate Roleplaying Purity Score
Category	Your Score	Average
Hacklust	35.85% Has conversations in between massacres	53.6%
Sensitive Roleplaying	6.33% There is no player. There is only.... Zuul.	54.6%
GM Experience	23.91% Closer to a novel than to a campaign	69.5%
Systems Knowledge	71.75% Local rules guru	90.4%
Livin' La Vida Dorka	18.39% Gaming is my life	63.3%
You are 35.88% pure Average Score: 68.8%
Take The Ultimate Roleplaying Purity Test and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

To those who know me this is no spuprise.... but i've gotten better I really have.

-Russ

I don't usually do resolutions but this year I am.

Resolution 1... Lose weight I'm fucking fat. I need to lose about 45 pounds badly and for my health.

Resolution 2. do not cut my hair... I have not had my hair long since I was 15, i miss the long hair, So damn it I am growing it out.

Resolution 3. Get back in College, no excuses it is time I got enrolled, probably at Parkland College. I am thinking Culinary arts, maybe tag teamed with buisiness management. plan for the long term.

Resolution 4. Get healthy... I aqm sick a lot, I hate it, that and the excess weight with a bad knee and a on again off again problematic back sucks.

Well to all my Friends Haooy New Years.

-Russ

NINE INCH NAILS @ the U of I Assembly Hall.

just thought you all should have some advance notice.

-Russ

1) Who is the biggest dumbass ?
Bill O'Rielly or Bush... hard choice

2) What is your favorite kind of cheese?
Basil and Sundried tomato Goat cheese

3) What county were you born in?
Franklin county Illinois

4) Automatic or Manual?
Manual if I have a choice

5) Does tequila make your clothes fall off?
Only if Tequila is my Girlfriends new nickname... which it isn't.

6) What is the biggest piece of furniture you own?
ummmm a couch I dumpster dived... cushy fake velvet... Red

7) Have you ever eaten Sushi?
mmmmm Spicy Tumna roll... or Unagi... yum.

8) What song would you like to be listening to right now?
Johny Cash- Hurt

9) Innie or outie?
Innie

10) What's the name of the last movie(s) you rented?
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

11) Do you know anyone you would like to play a prank on as long as you were never found out?
ummmm yes.

12) If so, what would you do?
No idea... yet.

13) Are you a tactful person?
Depends on my mood.

14) Have you ever told someone they didn't look bad when they asked when they actually did look bad?
Yes... all the time when dating the Psychotic oompla loompa.

15) Do you question the norm?
Yes.... what is the Norm?

16) Do you read your horoscope regularly?
No

17) Do people come to you for advice?
Yes

18) Do you prefer to give or receive presents?
These days... to give

19) Have you ever ridden a horse?
Yes.

20) Do you own a george foreman grill?
No but I want one.

21) What condiments do you put on your hot dog?
Onions, jalapeno's ketchup and mustard. or chili and onions with light mustard.

22) Have you ever been an indian giver?
Yes, I regret it.

23) Have you ever eaten escargot?
Yes... ewwww

24) Are you an impulsive person?
yes

25) Have you ever commited a Random Act Of Kindness?
Quite often

26) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
3

27) Do you read shampoo bottle, etc. in the shower or bathtub?
no

28) Does it bother you when someone you know, feels free to just walk in your house without knocking or calling?
they are likely to get stabbed

29) Do you know anyone who has the uncanny ability to be able to (accurately) finish your sentences?
Yes

30) Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
Ireland or Germany

31) What job wouldn't you want?
Jizz mopper

32) If you could own your own company or business, what kind would it be?
Music store.

33) How many pets do you have?
My Girlfriend has two cats I care for a lot.

34) Have you ever had a "Fling"?
yes, they suck

35) Nachos or Pretzels?
Nachos

36) Do you think Brad & Angelina will last?
Who gives a fuck

37) Do you care?
see above

38) Who makes you laugh the most?
Spencer

39) Do you consider yourself a beautiful person on the inside?
No

40) Do think Michael Jackson is a freak or just misunderstood?
Freak is to nice... how about child molesting fuck who needs a shotgun enema

41) If you could be on any reality show, which one would it be?
The Real World

42) Do you like lightning bugs?
Yes

43) Have you ever jumped on a trampoline?
Yes

44) Have you ever broken a bone?
Yes

45) Have you ever gotten an autograph from a professional?
Quite a few... lost most of them

46) Who is the biggest slut (male or female)?
Dunno

47) Would you eat buffallo testicles for $100,000?
Sure

48) Have you ever let someone have something that was very special to you because they needed it more?
Yes

49) Can you sing well?
NO!

51) What is your favorite website?
www.somethingpositive.com

52) Do you consider yourself an addict of any kind?
Not anymore

53) If your closest friend's companion came on to you would you tell your friend?
Yes


54) What is your favorite song to make fun of?
Not sure...

55) Do you laugh alot?
Less than I would like

56) Do you cry alot?
Yes

57) Have you ever saved anyone's life?
A few times actually... only got thanked for it once

58) Ever sang karoke in front of people?
Yes... rapped in front of about 1500 juggalos once

59) Do you ever count sheep?
No

60) Did you enjoy this survey?
Not really but hey who is gonna read it anyway.

So... Just to prove I can I am running a changeling LARP at UIUC next semester. I have a lot of player interest and am building a good staff... I think Mike aka Poke the Sluagh from teh E-ville changeling game may be joining staff... waiting to see if it will conflict with his school schedule. I don't want anyone stressing to much for this game.
Harry Potter tommorrow... Met Girlfriends dad... I must have changed a lot, he is a Military man and a lawyer and likes me. Still Suprised.

-Russ

Ok so here is what is going on in my life.

1 Fell down stairs, seriously fucked up my knee, probably need surgery, but I'm poor and my Girlfriend has a cane I use to hobble around, people tell me it makes me look more mature, I think it makes me look like a crippled fat fuck.

2 I am a LARP storyteller. I help run the University of Illinois Roleplaying Club Vampire LARP. It is not OWBN affiliated, no travelling PCs cannot visit and yes half the players in the game play wonk ass shit, they were all approved before I came on staff. I was brought on because no one even the other STs had a good grasp of the setting other than we are vampires and we hang out in a grouped called the camarilla. Already I have mostly favorable player reviews with the exception of some people who think I am cracking down to hard on PvPers. Some people are also complaining that I am taking to heavy of an advantage of their characters Flaws. Oh well. They wanted the world of darkness, I'm gonna give it to them. I am not using humor as I do in my tabletop games, my goal is to make charaters fear the night, so far it is working.

3. I run a single tabletop game that blend the New World of Darkness with the Resident Evil setting, players play normal people investigating rumors of wrong doings and atrocites caused by Umbrella Corp. My players say that I am one of the best, but cruelest STs they have ever played under... and I am no longer allowed to post details of grisly murder scenes on the message boards, supposedly I describe atrocities to well.

4. I am back to work despite my knee being fucked up. IT FUCKING HURTS!

5. Preparing for Halloween, unfortunately nothing says not scary like a monster with a bad limp and a hospital issue Cane.

6. My girlfriends new laptop will have to be sent back to gateway for a few weeks cause the damn ram in it is fucked up and it keeps memory dumping and corrupting the operating system. Best buy would be able to fix it but 512mb of the ram is permanently attached to the motherboard and unremovable. Fucking stupid as fucking hell.

7. hate to admit it, I like world of warcraft... no I don't pay for it I have a character on my GFs account.

8. Bummed I missed the final Hunter/FotF game but I worked and am not ready to deal with the old crowd yet. Though I think a lot of you would be suprised by how I am these days. I sometimes wonder if ths voice I hear coming from my mouth is really me. I keep feeling happy because I realize I am more like me fresh out of the military, before carbondale, before I started the spiral of mistakes that I caused. I no longer blame Lex, or bad luck. It was simply a series of bad desisions I could have stopped if I had not been blind to them or pawning my problems off on others. If anyoen whom I hurt reads this, I am more sorry than you can know, and I know that even should I repay every debt I owe to everyone who is owed it, I know some of you will never trust me again and that is ok.

Peace to all my friends. I love you all.
-Russ

This is mostly a basic update to say am alive and basics of what I am up to.

1. Living in champaign with my wonderful GF. I work about forty hours a week in a low paying job, and most of my money goes to bills, but I like where I work.

2. Gaming.- Yes I am gaming again, as a matter of fact I am doing it a lot, most nights after work, My Signifigant Other has to stay focused on school so gaming is a fun social way to stay out of her hair, I am still making usre she gets us time though, I almosty over-did it.

Games- Sundays- I run a New World of Darkness game

Monday- off

Tuesday- Battletech

Wed- Big Eyes Small Mouth

Thurs- Not sure yet

Fri- Champaigns OWBN game ended and now Chris (former E-ville ST Chris) helps run Vampire The Requiem and invited me back to play despite past issues, it is going well and I only went since I respect him greatly. It is small intimate and fun, lets hope it stays that way... no owbn is a good step.

Sat- Girlfriend Day. Nuff Said

the apartment computer is still down and we are looking at a new one for her, she needs a laptop for school and is looking for one. I would like to get the old system fixed and working.

3. I am not going out socialy... I do not want to fall in with certain old crowds again... it is just a bad idea, so other than game which I go straight home from, I don't go clubbing or anything of the sort.

4. I miss my family. Not much to say here but now that I think more like the person I was raised to be instead of the idiot I became I realize that not having my mom and brother around has left a big void which is hard to fill. That and My grandfather's heath is rapidly deteriorating.

5. Life Rebuild... getting close to complete. Will update at length later.

6. Interests... I think I am gonna write an RPG. I now have contact info for several small game publishing houses and an Idea has been gripping my brain for a while now.

Well.. The End.

-Russ

I have a message to the Makers of the X-box Game Advent Rising... FUCK YOU!

This is mostly in Jest. For those of you whom do not know... this is an EPIC sci-fi based game writen by one of the Best Science Fiction writers ever. Orson Scott Card.

I rented it from Blockbuster after much drooling over footage and reviews and in short... It was fucking amazing. Dual gunning, Telekinesis, Force Pushing. Ack... it was the first game ever to make me dizzy from the ammount of stuff happening on screen.

Well after two long ass sessions I beat the damn game... The final boss (which is in a Prologue after the credits) took me about 15 tries to beat, and wow is the final boss kinda creepy.

Then I get a little teaser of a new race and.. To Be FUCKING Continued.

ARRRGGGGHHHH!

I can't wait for more... especially since the sequal will be at least a year off on a new system I can not afford.

But I appreciate the game anyway for it's mind numbing goodness.

Oh and for anyone who at all likes my taste in Goth Industrial music please do yourself a favor and find the following song somehow.

Das Ich- Destilat (vnv nation) Also
may be listed as (VNV Nation Remix)
JMPIERCE and Wraa, both of you should like this a lot.

Peace.

-Duff

Ok so my favorite Psychopathic records related Web Radio station is tryin to come back with a vengence. If you even slightly like ICP or related music tune in to http://www.hatchetradio.com

In my opinion the lowband feed usually has better music and the best DJ aka Ninjatab only broadcasts Lowband and she rocks.

If you want non Psy related web Radios check out http://www.radio3x.com for good hard rock.

Goth/industrial/emb. http://www.rantradio.com

yeah... that is about it.

-Duff

So I am now once again living in Champaign. And for the first time in years I am truely happy, with no complications.

Priorities are as follows.

Find steady work
Make friends/contact old ones.
spoil my Girlfriend
lose weight.
Repay old debts albeit slowly. (smartass comments on this will be deleted immediately)

I'm also on World of Warcraft now thanks to my Girl having an account and letting me make a character. character name is Armandiel, he is a night elf Druid, forget the server though.

I am sorry I could not stop in the madison county area as planned monday, we had vehicular issues and got a late start. I will be making a trip down there shortly.

I am slowly feeling more social and I definately feel more stable than I have in years. think maybe Mississippi was good for me, but I know the beautiful woman sleeping in the other room is damn good for me.

Night all.

-Duff

Thanks to the grace of trade-in to gaming stores I have a new Xbox. I was wondering who i know that plays on Xbox live. My handle is Hemlocke. I have been playing Burnout 3 and Halo 2. Feel free to send a friend request or send me your handle via comment or email.

If Hypriest or Wraa reads this could you email me your phone numbers, I lost my list and I need to drop off Borgs Gun to someone next week.

Done and Gone
-Russ

Wow I realized what I wrote looked like it was all aimed at you. The buisiness line was one of the few things aimed at you, since I posted that I have been getting a lot of e-mails from people in the St Louis area demanding shit from me. YOU are the only person I can justify being owed things other than hypriest.

Yes, I was in love with you, i didn't tell you that until after X-mas, the post you judged me on was written before that, and I wasn't ready to admit it to myself. I loved you, and it did hurt when you left with W'raa. Yes, I owe you money, I have not had enough to pay anyone debts owed, I have made enough to pay living expenses, and to save to move away from mississippi because it sucks here. I will pay you when I can, its that simple. You can hate me, W'raa can hate me, Dela can hate me. I don't care, I'm fixing my life and I won't be seen until them. I'm sorry if my post seemed entirely directed at you it wasn't. I literally recieved about 15 bitch out mails, I got mad. I am incredibly sorry.

I am happy you found a good man, W'raa is the best guy I know. I'm sad to lose him as a friend. But it seems it is gonna happen no matter what.

-Russ

Ok, So I posted something the other day, this means I cared enough to inform you all of my safety... well some of you.

Me posting did NOT constitute a desire to be contacted by people that I am still very angry at. You all can blame me for a lot of shit, so you got hurt, so did I. End of story for now.

I am fixing my damn life... period, people in the St Louis area will not see me until my life is 100% fixed, so it might be quite a goddamn while.

One exception, in a few weeks I am going to stop and drop off Borg's gun at Hypriest's place, or with his parents. Then I am going to Ren faire for a day, I'm not gonna play happy social pretend I'm cool with people.

This is not a fuck you all post or even a fuck some of you post, it is simply me not being prepared to deal with things yet, emotionally, financially, or anything ending in -ly.

If you don't know what I am talking about this is not directed at you, butt out.

linda obviously this isn't directed at you. Or you Fatimus.

my e-mail is twiztidexistance@yahoo.com, if you need to talk "Buisiness" state it and I may reply depending on requests.

-Russ

These questions apply to your SENIOR year in high school. After you're done reading your friends answers, erase them, fill in your own, and re-post.

During senior year:

1. What School did u attend? Christopher Community high School Christopher IL

2. What year was it? 1997

3. What were your favorite band(s) or artist(s)? David Bowie, NIN, Stabbing Westward, Weezer, Marilyn Manson, Nirvana

4. What was your favorite outfit? Jeans, random band Shirt, or Grunge Flannel and ripped up jeans, and old converse.


5. What was up with your hair? medium length Blonde, thats about all

6. Who was your best friend(s)? Jesse Reed, Mark Mcmanaway

7. What did you do after school? Lifted weights, football practice. hung out at Church... ewww bad time in life.

8. Where did you work? Telemarketing

9. Did you take the bus? Alternated between that and running

10. Who did you have a crush on? My best friend Jesse more love in reality, lusted after a few.

11. Did you have a girlfriend/boyfriend and who? nope, I was a mega nerd


12. Did you fight with your parents? Mom, only verbally, I hospitalized my step father twice.

13. Did you ever get detention? Not that year

14. Favorite Subject? Drawing III


16. Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?
Christina Ricci, Shirley Manson

17. Did you smoke cigarettes? Nope


18. Where was your Senior Prom held? Benton IL civic center


19. Did you have a "Max" (hangout) like Zach, Kelly & Slater? Dairy queen


20. Admit it, were you popular? Fuck no, I was despised

21. Who did you want to be just like? No onme really, I just wanted to find myself... screwed that up too.

22. What did you want to be when you grew up? Video Game designer


23. Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now? Didn't care, proilly thought I'd be dead


Well that is all from me. Wait... there is a good chance that in june I am moving back to champaign to live with a certain someone... I hope so.

Russ